By David C. Daoust
His whole body felt relaxed. All thanks to spending most of the morning in the bathtub. A good long bath cleared up all his tension, again and again. Nicholas March decided since he was feeling so good, he may as well just have a bowl of ice-cream. Then he thought, ‘meh… only if there are graham crackers.’ Ice-cream was so much better with graham crackers.
Low and behold he found a box! Nice.
Ripping open the box, the rather rotund man, helped himself to the top package and flopped the rest of the box back into the cabinet. He would get to those when he got to those, the current package was more than enough! He slid the package onto the table as he crossed to the other side of the kitchen where the icebox was. This is where he kept the ice-cream. Part of him was trying to remember if he had some left. Graham crackers might have to be enough. They were good, but graham crackers were so much better with ice-cream.
Nick almost celebrated, then and there, when he found the carton nestled amongst the frozen bags of vegies, like a gem in a treasure trove really! Things were definitely working in his favor. He tossed the frozen carton onto the table with the package of graham crackers —a winning combination! He crossed back to the other side of the kitchen— He needed an ice-cream scooper.
There was a second there, that he worried he might have to clean the ice-cream scooper before he could actually have his ice-cream. But no, no, not so. Fancy was pretty good at keeping the utensils clean. He definitely had a clean ice-cream scooper for his ice-cream!
It gleamed in the light as he held it up in a mild triumph.
His day was going so good.
Thinking back, he could not remember when he had had a bad day. Not since he bought his hotel on Twin Crown!
Henry Bogs– ‘Interim Governor’ Henry Bogs, had sold it to him for, what Nick considered, a steal!
And that actually counted as a good day!
Surely, he had had a rough day at some point in his life.
‘Not today,’ he thought as he ripped the lid off the ice-cream, ‘not today.’
Then realized he should probably get a bowl, lest he get the graham cracker crumbles in the carton… then thought maybe that would be a fine treat to come upon, next time. Nah, he returned to the cabinets to find a bowl.
Nicholas March never expected Twin Crown to be so lucrative. All things considered, he and his partner Fancy had only arrived on Twin Crown in the hopes of hunting down a missing stunt-bot that had vanished from the core a while back.
The case had gone cold, not that they had given up on it. They had found so much to do on the sandy little moon, that, well, Fancy did not even need him most days. Which is what led to his new hotel! For which he had been staying in the penthouse relaxing while Fancy was running around solving cases.
The best part of his new hotel was its shady connection to Star-speeder racing. There was not a farwall in the whole place that could not call up the latest race.
Races that were taking place all over the Onion.
The thing about inhabiting an entire solar system, when some people were going to sleep, others were just starting their day. There was not an hour that went by that did not garner interest in some racing organization somewhere in the Onion.
From his penthouse in the hotel— it seemed everyone in the solar system did nothing but race all day, and all night. Put him on the ins with every reputable gambling establishment in the Onion.
Governor Bogs needed to separate himself from the gambling establishments he and Emanual Grady had set up to augment the moons cash flow. With the UM and the changes on the moon, such a business simply would not help their current interests. Nick didn’t get all the details, didn’t care. Nick new a deal when he saw one, he snatched it up. Star speeder racing was exactly the thing that belonged in his wheelhouse.
He gripped the scooper tightly as he forced it down into the frozen clump of ice-cream. Got a good round ball, and dropped it into the empty bowl. It should probably be enough, but he knew it would not be. He returned to the carton and forced another ball of ice-cream to form, flopped it into the bowl with the first. Without actually thinking about it, he returned to the carton for another scoop. He knew that was way too much, but only pondered why he got that third scoop, once it was way too late to stop himself. It was already in his bowl! What’s he going to do, put it back? Nay.
The race was about to start!
It was perfect timing! Afterall, he just finished getting his ice-cream.
Nick flipped on the farwall, and the latest line of star speeders were just lining up at the starting buoy. The announcer was blathering on about whatever it was they thought would be interesting to fill the air with, until the race finally commenced.
Nick forgot to open the package of graham crackers, distracted for only a minute, the race actually started while he was still trying to rip the package open. Would not be a problem, but Nicholas had a little ritual that he would do before each race. Each race he wanted a win from that is. His heart sank when he realized he missed his chance. All things being equal— he had A LOT of money running on this race.
The star-speeders shot through the void of space. His speeder, the one he bet on anyway, was charging ahead. Nick snapped the first graham cracker on its perforation, splitting it into four separate crackers. Which he planned to make two little ice-cream sandwiches with– After he popped a bite of ice-cream in his mouth.
These were manned star-speeders, there were actual pilots in the cockpits. Each one traveling at speeds that risked breaking the ‘Brannigan Barrier.’ The speed barrier that could not be successfully crossed, without jumbling synapses in the human brain.
Star-speeder racers were considered crazy from the start, but the danger was real. There were no rules stated that said they could not cross it, but everyone knew reality itself would keep them from daring!
Nick finished making the first two ice-cream sandwiches as he put another spoonful of ice-cream directly in his mouth. Before actually chewing, he took a bite of the little sandwich, mouth full of deliciousness, his attention was pulled back to the race. He had bet on a sure win, ritual or no, his speeder was the fastest in the Onion—
Up until it was suddenly left in the dust, the speeder that overtook was dancing around the barrier, crossed for only a moment before it dropped back —crossed it again. The pilot risked his own sanity, which only heightened the drama!
Nicholas immediately called foul, sputtering ice-cream and graham cracker crumbs everywhere. Trying to say ‘bot’– Trying to declare bullshit! It had to be a bot. bots could not legally race in any organization, because they did not have the same physical limitations; they did not have synapses, really. And bot races never became popular because, well, no one cared about bots. But, possibly, because their was no risk to their sanity.
Nicholas was getting worried. Stuffed his face with more ice-cream as the star-speeders continued their circuit through the nothing. He could not lose another race. His whole body was tense.
Nicholas was reminded why he had spent so much time soaking in the bathtub. This was bullshit! No one can go that fast, not for so long! He shoved more ice-cream into his mouth, chased it with another bite of ice-cream sandwich…
Fancy entered the room briefly, noticed the race on the farwall, the tension throughout her rotund partners body, and grimaced. She marched through the room, disappeared into her bedroom as Nick was clearly mesmerized by the images filling the wall.
“They found the Rover,” Fancy announced, just so she could say she told him. “I’ll see if Mr. Ruby will fly me out there.”
With that Fancy disappeared out into the hallway, just as Nicholas started saying, “NO!”
Again and again, all that came out of his ice-cream filled mouth-hole was, “NO, NO, NO!” As what, he was convinced, could only be an illegal bot-racer, took the win.
Nicholas, completely oblivious that Fancy was ever even there, fell back into his bowl of ice-cream.
He considered taking another crazy long bath.
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